Beginning from the Rear or Ass Demon

After a fraught week, my beautiful friend Maria and I decided to spend a Friday afternoon licking our wounds in the marble womb of the Metropolitan Museum of Art off Central Park. The steps were thronged with tourists. I scooped Maria out of the crowd and arm-n-arm we ascended into the venerable halls of esteemed artists. The cherry on our culture sundae: Michelangelo’s first painting.

The priceless piece, a diminutive copy of a German print titled “St. Anthony Tormented by Demons,” has undergone painstaking, expensive renovations. We slid through the cluster of serious faced admirers, huddling around the painting in a small gallery. The haloed Saint is encircled by demons, brilliantly fish scaled and monsterous; the first kinda looks like it is humping his leg, and the last…

I slid out of the crowd towards the back of the room. Reunited with Maria and whispered aside, “Did you look at that last demon?”

“Oh yah- I looked at that demon three times and thought, ‘oh! he so went there!’”

At which point, we had to leave the room, collapsing in hysterical laughter against each other. Because that last demon can only be described as the Ass Demon, with a winking, gaping pink butthole worthy of all the gay porn in LA.

Perhaps he was just faithfully copying the original print, but I prefer to think he understood the taboo confronting his audience. It’s profoundly satisfying, imagining an adolescent Michelangelo meticulously painting each wrinkle around the anus, cracking himself up with the audacity of it. This is the spirit of the same genius artist who would later defy Church law by secretly dissecting cadavers to learn muscle structure to paint the truth of the human body.

And part of the truth of the human body is a zillion pleasurable nerve endings in all our pink parts, including our assholes. The great equalizer, I believe Tristan Taormino once called it.

Yet the taboo remains, tangled up with fear of gayness for many man and out of bounds, seemingly irrelevant, for many women. Of course, the whole shebang is associated with poop, so it can be literally dirty, which is high on the ookie scale for many folks. The good news, my friends, is that this is nothing a shower cannot remedy, and for the fastidious, enemas.

When the behind has been ignored as a potential erogenous zone, the pleasure from touching, rimming and penetration can take us by surprise. Ladies- spread the good word - it’s not just about the prostrate! Anal play also tends to require a slow hand (or tongue or toy) and a level of relaxing and presence that can be intense in bed.

While there is a lot to be said for normalizing (liberating!) anal sex for the masses, the transgressiveness of the act can be a turn on. Exploring new or disputed territory with a partner makes us vulnerable together, and the trust, gentleness and desire we can show each other through this process…also a big turn on!

So – look to the old masters for inspiration. Begin by looking the ass demon in the eye with Michelangelo then check out some of these excellent resources:

• Luscious, stories of anal eroticism Edited by Alison Tyler Forward by Tristan Taormino
• Anal Pleasure & Health: A Guide for Men and Women by Jack Morin
• Bend Over Boyfriend video by Carol Queen

And add your own to the list, por favor!

PS...the secret is lube lube and more lube.

Sexual fluidity is seriously hard work.

Being consistently new is damn hard work.

So is being an incredible lover.

Reveling in the fluidity of our sexualities however seems to be the easiest thing of all.

Case in point: O Magazine's "Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women" does a great job of presenting a nuanced article on queer women's sexuality. Seriously. Go read it - shit ain't bad. Mary A. Fischer rocks.

The campy-pulp-fiction-titled article talks about gender, sexuality, different labels, and really includes complicated personal stories. Often times these magazines and talk shows want an exemplary lesbian who has a story that is simple enough to be communicated in a 45 second clip. None of these folks are that. Which is just delightful to see. Its also really exciting to think that we are in a place where real stories can be published in a mainstream women's magazine. Its no longer the only story. The only voice. The only example. Which is why we are allowed to be messy.

I love messy.

And besides, Judith Halberstam is a super smart gender theorist. How exciting to have such a smart person talked about in a mainstream woman's magazine like O - with multiple pronouns used. (Macarena Gomez-Barris, way to rep for the femme sisterhood)

As AfterEllen.com and Grace Chu's post points out: they could have done better coverage of femininity across the boards. I'd like to hear about how several of the folks interviewed see their own femininity in relation to more masculine partners. As well as their own masculinity. However, femininity is something we as a community are still figuring out how to talk about. And it is reflected in the article.

The article says that "sexual fluidity" is a buzzword. Saweet.

I'd include with that "gender fluidity." Which they seem to tackle within sexual fluidity, but warrants its own naming (sexuality, gender and attraction all warrant their own categories). Hell, its something we are constantly negotiating as queer women - at work, in relationships, in friendships, on the street. And negotiating differently in different situations.

PS - Its true: queer women are all fabulous lovers, all the time. None of us are crazy stalker types that suck in bed.