Thursday, September 24, 2009

Coming Out About My Friend Craig

When asked about how my girlfriend and I met, we can never seem to get our story straight. “At a concert” and “through a friend” are some of the common explanations that we use to avoid the horrified reaction we anticipate from people when we reveal the truth: we met online… more specifically, on Craigslist.

Having lived in 4 cities and 9 apartments over the past 3 years, I’ve found numerous rooms, appliances, and home furnishings on the site. However, until about 6 months ago, using Craigslist as a venue for meeting people seemed utterly terrifying. Not only was I afraid of what was lurking in the ‘bargain basement’ of online dating, but in the wake of news coverage about the Craigslist killer I also had reason to fear for my own safety.

What changed? I had just moved from Canada to San Francisco for an internship that left me surrounded by women in their 50s and I was desperate to break into the lesbian party scene with ladies in my age bracket. Not wanting to face the bars alone, in spite of my fears, I turned to my old friend Craig for help.

I started by posting a few “strictly platonic ads”; I carefully filtered responses to weed out potential creeps, did a little Facebook stalking to confirm people’s identities, and secured a busy social life in a matter of weeks. By the time I was ready to date in my new city, I had gained enough confidence in Craig to let him be my matchmaker. I trolled through the W4W section and posted some ads of my own (my personal favorite entitled “I love cupcakes and making out”). One ad was catchy enough to generate close to 30 responses over night, including: 1 from an unknowing friend, 2 that were interesting/normal enough for a first date, and 1 that resulted in a few dates and remains a friend today.

Since recently coming out to some trusted friends about my own Craigslist relationship, I have discovered 3 other couples who have kept their Craigslist roots on the down low. Despite the internet changing the nature of dating and relationships, social norms have yet to embrace online dating and Craigslist, in particular, remains a major taboo. Sure, the vast majority of responses you get on Craigslist will not be worth your while, but, then again, that’s not far off from real life encounters. And just like real life, you might even find love where you’re not looking: oddly enough, despite my extensive W4W search, I ended up meeting my girlfriend through an ad for a concert ticket.

Before you pass judgment on Craig, keep this in mind: You never know what you’re going to find in the ‘bargain basement’, but if you’re lucky you might just find that Prada bag that you were looking for, even if it’s hanging in the wrong department.

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